So here it is at last. How did I see the old year out and the new year in?? I stayed home, by myself and watched TV, played with the cat and on the computer.
Did it feel bad to be on my own? No, not this year. Oddly enough it was one of the most peaceful New Years Eve's I've spent and oddly enough, this year I had 3 different invitations out to party and celebrate with friends and family.
Being on my own, even in being entertained by the TV and the cat, I was able to do a lot of reflecting on the past year, where I was and where I am now. All in all, though it was a very tough year, a year of many big changes and much disappointment, I am doing so Ok.
Toward the beginning of November I began reading a book that took my Christian world and turned it upside down. It has taken everything I've believed and either enhanced it, made bits of it more real or blew other parts all to bits, nothing left but what God 'really' meant and how I am to live my life in Him.
Do I have it all sorted out? No, not a chance!! But in spite of seeing how much of a scumbag (a.k.a a sinner) I am, there is a rising sense of hope in me that God has His hand on my life and I'm going to make it to the Party at the end of life.
For so many years with one disappointment after another, there were times when I lost my hope that life could be better. Now I've discovered not only does hope still live, but I have a good sense that my life has purpose and God is teaching me so much about living in faith and hope in Him. Will my life finally turn out the way I hope it will? Probably not, because God's agenda for my happiness is much different from mine. But, in reading the book (66 Love Letters), I've found hope that His kind of happiness is way more than having a home of my own, or having financial security or finding that one certain man who will be my best friend. It's deeper, more secure and is not dependent upon these things we believe will make us happy. That is a hope I've never understood before, but now I have become single-minded in my search for God's way of life, the way He created me to live. Everything is second best therefore not worth so much energy in trying to make happen. I plan to take that energy and use it in seeking God and His plans for my life.
What direction is my life going in? I have no idea, but I know God knows and has a plan and that is enough for today! One day at a time eh? But although this path, this direction can seem narrow and rough, it is a path of unprecedented beauty and adventure.
Thanks for walking along this journey with me this past year of 2010 and I'll see you in the New Year of 2011.
God bless you on your own Journey
Girl on a journey of faith and trust . . . . :)