"Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds . . ." Wm Shakespeare

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Clean or Blurry Lines

I recently tried to shoot the Canada Day fireworks from the balcony of the 9th floor apartment where I'm hanging my hat these days.

It was a bit frustrating in that I didn't really know how to set my camera to shoot as quickly as needed to capture the fast pace of the light show, but I did it anyway.

What I ended up with was better than I expected and more than I hoped . . . . cool!

Here's what I was thinking about when I looked at the end result ~ beauty can come in the form of imperfections, failures and blurred lines!

So much of my life has been a struggle to do things 'just right'. It's how I was programmed as a child, do it right or else! I learned the lesson very well, too well it turns out as it has hemmed me in and kept me from enjoying a good many experiences. Always trying to please others, do it 'right' from their perspective.
Well, when was it ever going to be right from my perspective?? When was it going to be ok for me to do it 'my way'?
I saw things as either well done and worthy of praise or as a mistake I should be ashamed of.
This lesson was reinforced during my marriage and it's taken me many years to slough off the lie and embrace the truth that everything creative, whether colored perfectly within the lines or blurring beyond, has a beauty of its' own.

I'm learning even mistakes and failures can still have a sense of rightness when looked beyond what it was 'supposed' to be to what 'is'.
I'm learning life has to work for me too, not just everyone else BUT me.

Life is not about doing everything perfectly. Life is about experiences which include good and not-so-good experiences, it is even about making mistakes ~ mis-takes ~ and failing to do what I wanted. Life is taking everything at face value and accepting the value of each attempt to explore and experience it.

I've come to the conclusion it's impossible to experience life perfectly, cleanly and within the boundaries of perfection as others dictate it 'should' be, coloring in the lines drawn by others.

I'm done with 'should' cuz if it 'should be' then it would be, that's backward thinking and I'm into forward thinking.

I'm done with rehashing and second guessing how I should have done or said something that would make it better. Would I do things differently if I knew how it would turn out?? Possibly! But the thing is, I did not have this knowledge back when I made the decision, so it wasn't possible to do it 'then' as how I would do it 'now'.

Each experience is a learning experience. Sometimes I learn how I would do something differently or that I did it just as I wanted to. But, whether it turned out differently or not as good as I hoped, it does not negate the experience or the creativity of it all.

One other thing I have learned is to be gentle with myself. I have no manual to show me how to live my life, so I choose to go to the One who gave me my life, follow the directions He gives.

Those times I don't follow the Manual and screw up, well it's not for nought either. I've learned a great many things from my mis-takes in life. Mostly I've learned it's ok, I'm ok and it's all good.

There is a time and place for coloring within the lines, but right now I'm daring to see what I can create while coloring randomly all over my page of life.

Blessings on your own Journey of life . . . . Journey Girl

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