"Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds . . ." Wm Shakespeare

Friday, July 23, 2010

Yea Though I Walk . . .

So, here I am again, talking about God providing. For me it's the not-so-fun side of provision, this is where faith really comes in.

Remember the Israelites? They trusted the manna would show up every morning. I have to wonder, were there people like me who wondered if the manna really would show up? And, if it did, would it be what they wanted or hoped for? What would they do if it didn't? What if . . . and on and on and on.

On God's part, it continues to be a daily thing, on my part the challenge is just living 'today' in what He has provided for this day only.

As people we are taught to believe it is the prudent and wise that plan for our future. We are taught to believe if we do nothing we will have nothing.

I am not so sure about that anymore.

As I look back on my life of faith, since the day I walked out on my own, I see many examples of trying to provide for myself, to make life work for me. After all, I was on my own now, with no one to look after me, plan for me or provide for me. Fourteen years later, although I see many good attempts, many practical and wise moves that should have succeeded, it just never accomplished what I hoped, what I thought it would and I am left wondering why?

So, back to the Israelites, they were provided enough for one day only. The New Testament tells us to 'not worry about tomorrow', 'don't worry about the clothes we wear, the food we eat' and I'm back to thinking maybe I've had it wrong all these years, that perhaps we've had it wrong all these years. Perhaps our futures are not found in RRSP's or GIC's or investments of any sort. Perhaps our futures are not all about a 401K plan.

Am I being too simplistic? I don't know, were the Israelites being too simplistic to expect God would provide that manna every day? Why would God inspire such words in the Bible unless He knew we needed to hear that He could do better than man's plans? What if He wanted to point us to a better way? What if He didn't want us to plot and plan our future security because He knew it would cause us stress, and because He knows He's got it all figured out and already has our needs all looked after, present and future, regardless what the world believes?

If Scripture is to be believed, God wants us to simply be His child, not worry but trust in faith that He, our Father, is going to look after us, as we look after the needs of our own children.
So, what does that look like? I believe it's different for every individual. If He is our Creator then He surely must know what we need, personally.

I see people all around me striving to make it in this world, like I am, but I don't see it working for them much better than it's working for me.

What would happen if we quit trying, if we stopped plotting and planning and worrying about it all? A verse that comes to mind is Matthew 6:25-32 where Jesus talks about worrying about tomorrow. The one that particularly strikes me is Matthew 6:27 - "And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life"?

Would we be happier people? Would we enjoy our lives more? Would we be healthier, less prone to the diseases of stress and worry?

Unless I try this 'day only' faith, how will I ever believe totally that He can be trusted to provide for my future?

I guess the real questions are: can I stop worrying? Can I just live in today? As each day comes and goes with no change in circumstance, I do wonder how my particular issues will be solved. How will I pay my moving expenses? How will I pay for the storage unit here? How will I ever save enough for first and last month's rent to move out on my own? What job will I have to meet my needs and work for me emotionally, physically and financially? How do I plan for the day I have to buy a new car, or will He provide the right car at the right time as He did the last time? If He did it once won't He do it again?

I know I have to work, that's not the issue. The issue is, is faith simply doing 'today' what is in front of me and letting Him decide when it's time to move to something else? Is faith working the hours He's provided for each day and letting Him give or take away clients as He knows is best?

What about all the things I 'want' to do, that I don't need physically, but are every bit as important to me emotionally and psychologically?

Is it wrong to want a newer car, a good home to live in and the financial ability to travel as is my hearts desire? Is it wrong to want enough money to take my Grands to a movie or have pizza and a sleep-over? These things don't even compute when I have so many other things that need to be resolved. Yet, they are every bit as necessary to me as the others are, certainly more of a priority than paying bills, but they need to be shunted aside to pay for the things which are staring me in the face, demanding to be taken care of.

See what I mean? It's not so easy living just for today. If you've noticed, every one of those questions (or worries) is about the future! If those Bible verses are to be believed and adhered to, then I am simply to do what is on my plate for today and not worry about those very real issues of tomorrow. Am I simply to ask Him to provide the ability to take the Grands out, simply ask and wait for Him to provide? What if He doesn't think it's a need? I could worry about that alone!!

Ok, if I don't try to solve them, if I trust God to work it out for me and I just walk daily as He shows me to, does this mean it will all work out? I guess this is where faith comes in. Or does it? What is God's definition of faith?

I confess for a gal who likes to take charge and solve problems, who's always had to, this is not easy. I see money going out, not enough coming in and I'm just to relax and let God work it out?

If you've been following my blog at all, you can see I have many challenges in my life right now. Loving others unconditionally, leaving God to deal with my security and not worrying about tomorrow and just basically living a life I never thought to live, a life I don't even like at times, well, these are a few of my challenges. Maybe I will like my life better once I learn to live by faith and not spend time worrying about tomorrow!!

Simplistically, I think it all comes down to, how well do we know we are loved by our Father? How well do we know the character of God, that He will do what He says He will? How much do we know we can believe and trust Him implicitly? Now that's a challenge, and a daily one at that!

Final questions: how do I live in this world where very little goes right and keep faith that God has it all worked out and I can just relax and not worry? How do I live in this world when everyone says you do it this way but deep in my heart I hear, "no, this is the better way" but looks completely out of sync with what's going on around me? I'm thinking this takes 'dancing to a different beat' to a whole 'nother level!!

Well, I never did like the dance I was on, so maybe it's time to try slow dancing and do it one day at a time.

Blessings from Journey Girl

1 comment:

  1. I love this post. EXACTLY what I am wrestling with. What is God doing??? in us??