"Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds . . ." Wm Shakespeare

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

On Being Born Again

When I was born the first time, I was born into sin. Hard it is to believe a brand new baby is born a sinner, but that is not the point of this.

In my journey to learn to live loved, I just now realized when I was “born again” it was into bondage to religions demands and expectations, not into the freedom Christ died to give me. I had that BEFORE I was "born again".

I remember always, even as a young child, being friends with God, talking with Him all the time (I had very few friends) and we were developing a relationship.

Being a loner, I remember talking to Him when I walked the road to and from school, when I sat in the tops of trees swaying in the wind watching birds come and go. I talked with Him when I ran too fast and skinned my knees, when I saw something that make me feel sad. I just knew He was always there for me to talk to.
Then, when I was 15, ‘they’ convinced me I needed to be born again, I needed to say a prayer that I know now was not even in the Bible, but based on a bunch of Scripture put together to justify the “necessary” prayer. They dismissed my heart to heart relationship because I had not prayed the prayer according to their belief.

That was the moment I was born into bondage.

Who were ‘they’? They are the believers who believe more in the system, the rules and beliefs of Pharisees than in a real relationship with God. In fact when I was born again to their specifics, I joined Pharisee school and I graduated with full honors (heard that from someone else and it was so me I borrowed the phrase! Thanks Wayne!!).
When they convinced me I needed to be born again or I was going to hell, I remember thinking “God and I have been friends for a lot of years and He never said anything about being born again”. I look back and believe that was happening already as I talked with Him, He was changing my heart.

Oh how many years have been lost in our relationship because I was too busy dancing to the tune of the IC (institutional church) religious system.

That moment in time was the beginning of the worst of religions spiritual abuse and it continues to haunt my life to this day.

I fight to believe God loves me.

I fight to put off the heretical beliefs that religious abuse put on me.

I fight now to learn to live loved, being pulled one way because of the teachings from the law of present day Pharisees and the pull of the gentle Holy Spirit who wants to free me from the law.

I realize now, being born again doesn’t happen because I repeat a bunch of man-ordained words, being made new happens as I live in relationship with the Father and HE changes me. Just like being born the first time takes time, patience and hard work, being born again is a process of time and patience. It is at times painful as we struggle to throw off the old nature and put on the new and is an ever-evolving transition. To think saying a few words is enough to achieve this process is ludicrous.

Being born again is a life-long process which the Father is responsible to bring about in my life, it’s His job. Good thing too, because no matter how hard I tried to follow the rules and regulations, I couldn’t do it and believe me, I tried.

My part isn’t in saying a bunch of words, it’s responding to what He tells me, it’s being in relationship with the loveliest and safest Person I know and following in His footsteps, doing as He did, saying what He says.

Gosh, how thankful I am He continually talks to me, loves me and is ever present to reveal the past lies as He tells me what He really wants to say.

John 2: 24, 25: “But Jesus didn't entrust his life to them (man). He knew them inside and out, knew how untrustworthy they were. He didn't need any help in seeing right through them.” (Message)

It seems to me, if that was wise for Jesus, then it is wise for me. Help me Holy Spirit to see man with clarity and love them anyway.

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